A big and beautiful thing happened between Javier and I recently: We got married.
In that funny way that time can be so elastic, the months and days leading up to our celebration both flew by and crept by. And then, slow like honey and all of a sudden, July 12th arrived.
A wedding is the tip of the iceberg. It belies the hulking precedence of time and patience and organization it takes to create, not to mention all the love and faith and surrender on the part of the couple that comes before and after the ceremony.
And yet, it is a BIG day.
Since we have been married, the most common question I get is, “So…Do you feel different?”
The answer is yes and no, and not in the way I expected. Javier and I are the same. To us, commitment is something that comes before, not as a result of, marriage. Neither of us view marriage as a “two-becoming-one” affair. Post-marriage, we are still two entities with two identities, still walking hand-in-hand. We woke up the day after our wedding and only two things were different: a) We had wedding cake for breakfast (in bed), and b) We no longer had a wedding to plan.
And yet, we are different.
To have all of your friends and family in the same room as you, full of nerves and love and meaning, declare your love, is life changing. To have these people support your vows, to speak for you, to happily become tangled in the emotion of the day with you is a real bonding experience. I feel as blessed as ever to be with Javier. What I didn’t expect was that our wedding would renew my love and my commitment to our given family and our chosen family of friends. I remember looking around the room at all of our guests at one point in the evening and thinking, with a rush of gratitude, “This is our life.”
I can’t describe what that feeling is like. But it’s good. Real good.
Another good thing follows at the end of this post. It’s a simple juice recipe I created that reminds me of love: it’s blushing colour, it’s sweetness and spice. I hope you enjoy it. On one of the rare hot days of this summer, it is delightfully refreshing.
My advice for brides-to-be is to let the day be about more than just you. It’s true for some, but the conventional idea of the bride being the primary focus of the day didn’t feel true for me, and I think that took a lot of the pressure off. Some days leading up to the event, I, like many exasperated brides-to-be threw my hands up and sighed, “Oh, I just can’t wait until it’s all over”. And then, I had an epiphany. Whether I liked it or not, it would be all over soon. Time, dear bride-to-be, will fly for you too. So enjoy it. Take it all in- relish in the joy and the anticipation and even in the uncomfortable moments. All of your feelings, good and bad, are what make up such a rich experience.
My advice to couples, both married and unmarried, is something I’ve long believed, and my mum included it in her speech to us: Remember that success in a relationship is about more than finding the right person, it is about continuing to be the right person.
Make yourself happy. Then find someone who will laugh along with you. A lot.
Thank you to my newly minted groom for not only having such an easy laugh, but for being such a stable and strong, yet soft place for me to curl up next to. You are the kindest man I know.
Watermelon Love Juice
4 cups watermelon, cubed and frozen
Juice of 3 limes
1 Tbsp fresh ginger, minced
6 ice cubes
1 Tbsp raw honey (optional)
-Put all ingredients into a blender and blend until smooth. Serve frozen in fancy glasses and celebrate!